Kidnap the Cow!

Well my nephew and I had a discussion some time ago of how we might kidnap "Jackie the Cow" to save it from steak - here are Tom's excellent suggestions:

1 - On the day before it is killed we should destroy the machines/gadgets used to cull them and whilst the farmers and people are fixing them/getting new ones we put the cow in a harness and air-lift it out of the field by helicopter.

2 - When its about 10 months old we can go and visit and superglue some antlers on its head and put it in reins. We would also have to paint the nose red for the desired 'reindeer' effect. Hopefully, it will be around christmas then and say that we have hired a reindeer and was taking it to see 'Jackie' but when they got there it seemed that it had escaped. We were distraught ;)

3 - In the middle of the night we could take a big mole and make it dig a hole from your house to the field of which the cow is in. Then we simply let the mole go free to terrorize someone and lead the cow to your house. We would then have to hide it in the kitchen, stick a bow tie on it and say it's a waitress with abnormal growths.

4 - Seeing as the 3rd one could be hard to pull off, due to the fact that there are no such things as giant moles and we couldn't possibly get the cow to stand still on its hind legs long enough to be a waitress, lets make this one easier. We simply offer to kill it ourselves and instead inject it with anaesthetic so it falls asleep. Then we put it in your car and drive it to a nicer farmer's feild where you can promise that the farmer will go to heaven if he keeps quiet about the ever growing cow in his field. The perfect crime.....

5 - We could just pray that the cow doesn't get killed but in a freak thunderstorm it gets incredible magic powers and it transforms into a human and you make friends and Jackie 2 lives in your house and lives happily ever after... Somehow I don't think that one is going to work!!!

Well there is very little I can say in response really.....